


For The Two of Us

by mlepclaynos



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Emotional Hurt, Established Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:13:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26832727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mlepclaynos/pseuds/mlepclaynos
Summary: A hostage situation - Die Hard style.And now it's been 5 years since the nine-nine lost a member of their squad.
Relationships: Jake Peralta & Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Comments: 17
Kudos: 52





	For The Two of Us

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm back with something not so happy this time! Just one more warning - this contains a major character death.
> 
> This title and entire story is based on the Louis Tomlinson's "Two of Us"
> 
> Having said that, I hope you all enjoy it!

_It's been a minute since I called you_

_Just to hear the answerphone_

_Yeah, I know that you won't get this_

_But I'll leave a message so I'm not alone_

Stepping off the elevators of the nine-nine, NYPD Commissioner Holt gained the attention almost the entire precinct, creating a pin drop silence. He didn’t look anyone else, knowing all eyes were on him and headed across the bullpen to the office he was once held as captain. Knocking on the closed door, he looked at what was once Gina’s desk, to find the captain’s assistant refusing to look into his eyes, quietly and nervously mumbling the captain had asked to be left alone. Sighing, Raymond Holt tried to keep his face expressionless, although he knew behind those doors, the youngest captain in NYPD history was falling apart. Without asking, a bold move he would have to tell Kevin all about, he entered the captain’s office.

_This morning I woke up still dreaming_

_With memories playing through my head_

The blinds had been closed, trying to prevent the sun from entering the room. He hadn’t ever been in this office since he had been promoted, but looking around, he wasn’t surprised to see the way everything had been arranged. A large photo of Amy Santiago in her sergeant’s uniform hung on the right-hand wall and a photo of her and Jake as detectives was hung right behind it. The captain’s desk and shelves, a complete replica of the desk she once had a detective with office supplies arranged in order and not a speck of dust to be seen.

“Captain Peralta-Santiago”

The desk name plate was proudly and perfectly placed on the corner of the desk next to an old sergeant badge #3263. While he couldn’t catch what the photo frame behind the name plate displayed, there was no doubt in his mind, it was a photo of the two crazy detectives he loved like they were his children with their own newborn son from years ago.

Facing the back of the chair where his subordinate was most likely sombrely lost in thoughts, he cleared his throat trying to gain the captain’s attention. When he got no response except a muffled sniffle, he decided to take a seat himself, knowing he couldn’t leave the captain in this state.

“Why are you locked up in here? You need to be out there doing your job.” He tried to keep his stern front and hearing the captain’s throat clear, he was met with the same professional tone.

“Commissioner Holt, with all due respect, my precinct is the best run in New York. You’re not here to ask me to do my job.”

“You’re right. You’ve changed the nine-nine for the better, and the NYPD recognizes and acknowledges that.” He pulled out the envelope he had been carrying around all morning and placed it on the desk. He knew he could have simply sent an email with the same message but had hoped to share a moment of happiness with his captain which now seemed impossible. He tried to remember the last time he had shared a purely happy memory without the unacknowledged sadness and longing that was ever present in the successful captain’s eyes. He waited for a moment, only to be met with silence, the captain’s chair not turning even once. Getting up to leave, he wished he had never taken the seemingly childish moments of joy during his time as captain for granted. With a soft whispering of congratulations, he turned the knob of the door to make his exit, but before he knew it, the words left his mouth.

“She would be proud.”

_You'll never know how much I miss you_

_The day that they took you, I wish it was me instead_

Holt didn’t dare to take a step out of the office when he heard the squeak of the chair turning. Closing the door and locking it, he looked back, his heart feeling heavy when he looked at the man who was a son to him. Captain Jake Peralta-Santiago, a shadow of the happy go lucky detective that found humour in every situation. Without an expression on his face, the tears trying to hide behind the frames of his glasses, Jake picked up the envelope with his left hand, still adorned with a wedding band on his ring finger, and pulled out the letter.

“Offer – NYPD Deputy Commissioner”

He didn’t want to read it any further, knowing what the remainder of the letter would be. It would be a replica of the letter he received upon becoming sergeant, then lieutenant, and recently captain. His heart felt like it had just sunk into a deep hole when he looked up on the picture frame of his desk. Their son would be so excited to hear the news, so would everyone on the old nine-nine chat. He was happy, well at least he knew he was supposed to be. But he couldn’t help it if the excitement only lasted a few seconds before he wanted to pick up his phone and call his wife, only he knew no one would pick up on the side. His heart cried out with a pain that made his stomach turn, she was supposed to be the one who received this letter and he was supposed to get a excited call from her, maybe she would even do her winning dance. His lips quivered, curving up the slightest bit only to quickly form a frown when he looked up. While Holt was still looking at him, he looked away turning his face to the left wall where a newspaper article was framed, with a medal of valor hanging above it. Getting up towards the medal and article, he didn’t try to stop his tears from falling anymore. His hands reached for a picture of his smiling wife in her uniform that had made it to the cover of the paper. He wish it would have been becoming the youngest captain as they had both wished for her instead of the words had made him so proud and broke his heart every time he saw them.

“Sergeant Amy Santiago recognized with posthumous Medal of Valor”

He didn’t read below the headline for it meant he would have to go through the events that earned her the Medal of Valor yet again.

But his own mind didn’t give him a choice….

~~~~

The hostage situation, the miscalculation made by the SWAT team, the gunshots that rang in his head for days, all the blood that had covered his and her clothes, and the deafening silence he had felt when she lay in his lap lifeless. He had tried so hard, he offered himself to the group of armed men that stood before them, he tried everything in the book from anger to desperation, but he had failed. They may have protected the city that day, but he had failed to protect his wife and the mother of his child. She only had time to make him promise that Mac would grow up surrounded by love even if he didn’t have his mom anymore. He had promised her, repeating how much he loved her and wouldn’t let anything happen to her. She managed to tease him with a Die Hard joke before whispering “I love you”. As her eyes closed, everything that was going around him was gone. All he remembered was praying, for the first time ever, to any power that would listen to him, not to take her away from him. He had yelled at, begged, and screamed at EMTs when they didn’t even try to help her. He had refused to let go of her, holding onto her for what everyone described as hours, but it wasn’t enough for him. He had held onto her, refusing to cry and believe what had just happened until Terry and Rosa had pulled him away from her. He remembered threatening them, the two strongest members of the nine-nine, when they cried on their way to the hospital. He only wanted Amy and didn’t know anything else, including the fact he had been shot himself and refused to listen to anyone, forcing the hospital staff to sedate him.

It was only when he woke up with his arm in a sling and Gina handed him his 2-year-old son along with a long lecture on how he couldn’t afford to lose it the way he had for Mac, that he faced the truth. He promised her that he would go on for their son and make her proud. He whispered the promises he made to her on his way to the morgue, he found solace in his son he carried in his own arms everywhere when he was asking a million questions about funeral arrangements, and he only cried when he was alone in bed because it was the one time he couldn’t be strong enough and where he yearned to feel her warmth.

He refused to do interviews the NYPD kept pressuring him to & he stopped talking to everyone at work. No one saw Jake Peralta smile anymore unless he was with his son and there was nothing anyone could try to make him resemble the man he was once. He stayed that way until the funeral a few weeks later. He hadn’t expected the large crowd that had formed outside the service until he stepped out of the protective circle the nine-nine had put him in. Hiding Mac’s face from cameras that tried to capture the loss of a woman the city began to adore, Jake tried not to lose it when he felt everyone’s eyes on him. He felt pity that made him nauseous and hold onto his son tighter until he made eye contact with the people in the crowd. While he didn’t miss the pity in his eyes, there was a love and pride for his wife that made his wall start to crumble as he quickened his place inside wanting to be near his wife once last time. He didn’t remember the funeral, he didn’t remember anything anyone said because he didn’t take his eyes off the woman who lay at so much peace, like she did whenever she slept in on a weekend. All he remembered was kissing her forehead one last time and having to separate Mac from his mother, the toddler crying when he was forced to let go of his mother’s silver necklace she asked to be buried with.

She was called a victim, a martyr, an example of New York’s bravest, an inspiration and a representation of empowerment, but she was his wife; his dream woman he was supposed to share a life with. While the world had gained a hero, he had lost the love of his life…

~~~~

Reaching for the smiling photo, he softly caressed it as his body refused to listen to him and he fell to his knees. Holt was immediately by his side, the memory of holding him at the funeral flashing before him. He didn’t want to cry, but his brain couldn’t convince his heart to hold back his emotions until he was alone. He didn’t hear himself sob, but the man he considered his father and whose shoulder he was crying on, closed his eyes. He was one of the only people who could hold Jake together but every time the widower had any moment of proud accomplishment he believed only his wife deserved, there was no one who could comfort him (except the one person who he was crying for). He let Jake cry on his shoulder for as long as the younger man needed, being reminded of being put in the same position when they had lowered Amy’s coffin; how Jake had seeming collapsed, sounds escaping his mouth that sounded so wounded as if Jake was dying himself, how nothing including his son could get him to get up as the grave was filled. While the squad took away Mac and gave the grieving man space, Holt remembered sitting by his side, hand on his shoulder through the rain that started to pour, washing down Jake’s tears but failing to stop his sobs.

And now 5 years later, he sounded the way he had at the funeral, when he made sergeant, lieutenant, and captain.

“What would Amy say right now?” He whispered after minutes had passed and there was no stopping soon to be deputy commissioner Peralta-Santiago.

_But you once told me, "Don't give up_

_You can do it day by day"_

_And diamonds, they don't turn to dust or fade away_

Everyone was scared of saying her name to him. But not Holt, for he was the only one who seemed to understand Jake didn’t want her name to fade away. He needed her to name to live on for it gave him a sense of comfort that she was still somehow around somewhere. His brain and heart finally back into sync. Amy. It just took her name to calm his entire demeanour. He didn’t look up at the captain, but back up at her picture.

Weeks after the funeral, he had to clear out her desk. He knew all the uniformed officers were watching him as he packed up a large part of her life into the two boxes he had been handed. Slowly yet carefully he had placed every piece of Sergeant Santiago in the box until he reached a document they had made together. After the birth of their son, they had long talks about where they were heading, and she had written him a timeline of what she wanted to accomplish. Everyone on the first floor of the precinct thought he had gone crazy when he had run his hands over her perfect handwriting that highlighted everything she wanted in her career, looking like he was alive again for a moment. He flipped over the sheet of paper where she had tried to convince him to write the sergeant’s exam showing him how the two timelines would work together. He never gave in to that particular topic because he wanted her to succeed more than him and she was the one who meant more to him; so he never gave in to her pleas to even attempt the exam.

She no longer had the chance to achieve her dreams, but it was as if she had given him a second reason to live after their son. She had believed in him…maybe he could make sure the youngest captain in the NYPD was a Santiago, albeit Peralta-Santiago. And as he placed the paper in his pocket, the paper that now had a place in a folder on his captain’s desk, he decided to live for her – raising their son to be the man she would have wanted and fulfilling her dreams for her. From that day on, he had a complete 180 as he began working extra hard, studying for exams, and planning things ahead to manage being a single dad and his work commitments. Buried in his work and parenting, he had find solace within himself that gave him reason to go one, whereas everyone thought it had put himself into a shell and losing who he was. But they never realize the Jake they knew was always Amy’s and the Jake who they knew now was still Amy’s Jake.

He was brought back to the present reality when he felt Holt moving away from him.

_So I will keep you day and night, here until the day I die_

_I'll be living one life for the two of us_

_I will be the best of me, always keep you next to me_

_I'll be living one life for the two of us_

_Even when I'm on my own, I know I won't be alone_

_Tattooed on my heart are the words of your favorite song_

_I know you'll be looking down, swear I'm gonna make you proud_

_I'll be living one life for the two of us_

Jake looked at the older man who tried to hide his concern and nodded his head, wiping off his tears and giving a tiny smile to the photo of his deceased wife. He slowly got up off the floor and walked back to his desk. Trying to steady his hand, he swore the commissioner had wiped a tear away when he saw Jake starting type something on his laptop. He took a look at the letter presented to him, typing in the email address to the correct department at the One Police Plaza, writing down his acceptance of their offer. Before he hit send, he looked over their family picture and a lone tear escaped his now red eyes.

“We did it Ames…” He managed to whisper as the email was sent off. Seeing Holt’s forwarded hand, he stood up to shake his hand but he barely listened to the information he was being given on his new position, his mind only imagining how his Amy would have reacted had she been given the job he had just gotten for them….

_I promised you I'd do this_

_So all of this is all for you_

_Oh, I swear to God you're living_

_Through everything I'll ever do_

_One week later…_

Sitting in a conference hall of the One Police Plaza, he sat down facing flashing cameras and reporters, eyes fixed on his 7 year old son who sat next his uncle Charles and aunty Ro-Ro, smiling brightly at his father who only returned smiles for him.

He didn’t hear Holt’s speech, nor did he care about the praise he was receiving as his accomplishments were being announced. He only imagined how amazing it would have been to have Amy sitting in the seat he was while he would have been in the audience cheering her on with Mac by his side. His reverie was only broken when he heard her last name followed by a round of applause. It was official, he was now one of the youngest Deputy Commissioners, a step ahead of her timeline. Getting up, he saw his old squad’s eyes eagerly on him, wondering what he would be saying this time for his speech, except Holt who knew the two sentences the young man would say would be the same as always.

“Thank you to everyone who supported me in the last 5 years. Thank you to my son, Mac, for being the best and thank you Ames...I’ll promise to make you proud.” He calmly said, eyes still only on his son who had a beaming smile when he heard his name and blushed embarrassed when Rosa and Charles cheered for him.

_So I will keep you day and night, here until the day I die_

_I'll be living one life for the two of us_

_I will be the best of me, always keep you next to me_

_I'll be living one life for the two of us_

_Even when I'm on my own, I know I won't be alone_

_Tattooed on my heart are the words of your favorite song_

_I know you'll be looking down, swear I'm gonna make you proud_

_I'll be living one life for the two of us_

_One life for the two of us_

_I'll be living one life for the two of us_

Refusing to take questions, he walked off the small stage ignoring all reporters and any other police official that tried to approach him. He kneeled down on his knees when he got closer to his friends and son, opening his arms for Mac. When his son arms went around his neck, he genuinely felt happiness in his heart that showed on his face. Parting back from his son who exclaimed how exciting it was to see his dad on the stage though he didn’t fully understand what was going on. Grabbing his son’s hand, he proposed the idea of visiting the library and then picking up some perogies, potato pancakes and hot chocolate for dinner. When Mac almost jumped at the idea, he managed to return his friends’ smiles and they nodded in understanding when he couldn’t say much wanting to get away from everyone and spend time with his son.

An hour later as he watched his son trying to decide what two books he wanted to take out for the week, it felt like everything that had weighed down on him had gone away. Being with Mac was the highlight of his day and whenever their son showed a reflection of his wife, he felt like everything was okay. It felt like she was still there when he saw his son shaking his head at the misplaced book before he put it in a cart for it to be rearrange or when he moved away from the sections meant for his own age. Pulling out his phone, Jake looked at a picture of her in her wedding dress and looked back at Mac before smiled down at the screen.

“He’s reading above grade level, I think he might be asked to skip a grade if this keeps up.” He could have swore his ear were ringing when he thought he had heard her laughter and proud “yes” somewhere. But when he looked around, he was surrounded by silence. Putting his phone away, he turned his attention back to his son who had finally settled on which books he was checking out.

It was only a short while later, Mac was nose deep into the book he had picked up while Jake was engrossed in trying to set up their weekly takeout dinner.

When Mac had turned one, she had squeezed in a cooking lesson in their packed schedule expressing her wish to make home cooked meals for their baby. He had little to no time as a single dad, but he managed to feed Mac decent food made at home through YouTube tutorials. He was sure she would have been proud of the cake he had made for Mac’s recent birthday party. But being Jake’s son, Mac had a taste for fast food and sweet and thus a weekly tradition in the Peralta-Santiago was formed in the form of her favourite take out foods.

Bringing over two plates of food to the living room, he turned on Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone; the only Harry Potter movie their son could watch at his age. Answering all the questions Mac had as they enjoyed their meal, it was again felt like she was right there with them. She would have been over the moon with Mac’s interest in the book and movie series and the food would have had her raving about how classic the meal was.

Brought out of his thoughts, he felt his son’s head on his shoulder and looked over to fine Mac fast asleep. Slowly turning off the movie, he picked up his son and tucked him before he cleaned up their house. He never left dishes in the sink over night and everything was put in its place before he walked over to their room.

_We'll end just like we started_

_Just you and me and no one else_

_I will hold you where my heart is_

The room had not been changed a single bit in the last 5 years. Her clothes, photos, jewelry, perfumes, and even her books remain in the exact place she had left them that day. The only thing that had changed in their room was the addition of more photo of their son he had put up knowing it’s what she would have done. Exhausted he walked over to his side of the bed, smiling at her photo by his bedside. Kissing his fingers, he ran them over her glowing face before laying down on the uneven mattress where her side remained untouched. Hoping he would dream of being with her once again, he closed his eyes remembering…it was all for Mac and for Amy’s dreams…for his Ames.

_One life for the two of us_

**Author's Note:**

> So there it is!
> 
> I hope you all liked it!
> 
> If you could leave a comment or kudos, it would mean so much!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
